Wife Pregnant? 5 Things every husband needs to know
Image Credit: Kelly Sikkema
1. She Isn’t Lazy!
I was reading an article from a man to other men about pregnant women. It was extremely clear it was written by a man because his comments were definitely coming from someone who had no idea what it was like to have a human being inside of their body. Men may hate hearing that comment a million times but it’s important to understand, that in this day in age with all of this technology. You don’t understand that and you never will. So if a women is slower than she used to be, taking more naps, putting the dishes next to the sink but not in the sink.No she is not lazy.She is however exhausted, nauseous, and in pain, among many other things. (like becoming a lab rat to see how baby is doing every time she goes to the doctor, or everyone talking about the baby while she is like “I feel like I’m dying but thanks for asking!”) And YOU need to step up. Because as much as you do and as hard as you try. The moment you stop to take a break, you get a break. When she stops to take a break, she is still exhausted, nauseous, and in pain. Baby will not leave her body, those hormones will not stop changing things and it’s very difficult to accept that all the time. It would be amazing to take a nap without a baby kicking, pulling on your back, causing sciatica, and having to pee every 10 minutes. But that isn’t going to happen, not for 9 months. So give her a break. She is doing the best she can. But she can’t do it all physically and emotionally. And you are her support. This is the role you accepted when you said I do. She needs YOU to do more housework, stop making as big of messes ( oh you know you do, don’t act like those crumbs aren’t yours),If there is other kids to take care of….pay attention to how much she is able to do as she gets bigger! She may need more help picking up the kids, toys, scrubbing the tub, etc. These aren’t only her responsibility. This isn’t the 1950s. I don’t care how many hours a week you work. HELP OUT!
Image Credit: Kelly Sikkema
2. Emotionally she is struggling
Here is the deal, those hormones are intense and in life, you can’t just cry and yell at people all the time. But she wants to. Not because she wants to be mean but the fact that you her shirt doesn’t fit, or people keep taking about her weight is no longer a small issue. It’s magnified 100 times. And every day all the time, she is trying to keep those emotions in check. So here is the hard part. Are you dealing with your own emotions and issues? I’m sure you are, and you should definitely talk to your wife so you can be there for each other, but now is NOT the time to pile on her. If you need to pile, then a therapist is a great option. No money for that? Talk to a friend, relative, cashier…whomever you need to but she can’t be your carry all. She can only be your partner.
Image Credit: Freestocks
3. Intimate moments can be a rollercoaster
Now this one is the hardest it seems for most husbands but it’s really important. Your wife is carrying a human…yea I know you know that, however since you don’t feel that, and everything that goes along with it, you aren’t considering it when it comes to anything intimate. Why because your probably thinking about wanting to spend that time with your significant other the way you used to. And that’s completely understandable. But right now, in this Temporary situation, she needs a back rub, a foot rub, a nice bath and cuddling. Not you complaining because it’s been a week or a month. Your needs are extremely important and she will want to do what she can for you too, but not if you aren’t doing for her. Have you tried to be intimate when you have the flu? Now add a bigger belly with movement, or just starvation. You still in the mood? Do what you can for each other, think of each other. But do not require or expect right now. Take intimate to another place right now by spending quality time with each other.
Image Credit: livvie_bruce
4. Stop being so mean!
Now this one I know is happening much more often than it should. You’re dealing with your own life and emotions and just life. And you are mad because it’s been a while for anything intimate. Financially things are about to get crazy and you’re supposed to walk on egg shells!? I’m guessing that’s how a ton of men feel. You are probably excited about this baby but also terrified and you’re dealing with this pregnant person who is not easy to deal with right now.
But none of that excuses you ignoring, being inconsiderate or mean to your wife.
She shouldn’t have to deal with your outbursts or for you to act like you never even did it. You’re struggling and she is too. She doesn’t deserve to be treated badly because you’re cranky.
Her condition also doesn’t qualify her to be mean to you either.
It’s a time to be understanding of each other and if you know you have been mean…apologize.
Both of you!
Life is hard enough and you need each other in this time. Not to be the bag holder emotionally but to support each other and your feelings. Treating each other badly isn’t going to help your relationship right now and it won’t after baby is born either.
Arguments will happen and that’s ok, you’re getting ready to change your life for the first time or for the 10th time. Just remember to make up after it’s all said and done. And if you need to bring a therapist into the mix, do so. It may help to bring you both back to a good place if you have gone too far off the rails.
Image Credit: Natalya Zaritskaya
5. Pregnancy is hard but pay attention for Red Flags
Now this one will be difficult for some to accept but there is such a thing as bad people. Including bad wives and husbands. Yes my words are elementary and you probably are thinking” DUH!!!!” However, this is something many people will overlook during this time as just hormones or emotions. There is definitely going to be hard moments, but if your significant other is using pregnancy as the excuse to be carried on the throne while you do it all. And I mean all of it, then you should pay attention because that behavior will definitely continue after baby is born.
If you are hating your wife for being pregnant and want nothing to do with a baby. Pay attention because that isn’t going to necessarily change just because once baby is born. What these things mean is that your relationship is something to think about and talk to each other about. A child is an amazing life change but it won’t fix anything. Actually, it will make everything harder. So you need that strong foundation to make it work.
Knocked her up?
Start working on that foundation if you plan on doing this together. Or make the decision to part ways and how you will co-parent. Kids do not need both parents to be under the same roof if that means you are going to have world war 3 often. They also don’t need to see the example of loveless relationships. You aren’t helping your child, you’re telling your child what is ok and what isn’t by example.
So if the relationship isn’t right, you have to think about that kid. And that kid deserves to see mom and dad…HAPPY. Not pretending to be happy. If you aren’t married and you don’t want to marry this person. Don’t! if you’re happy but nervous about everything. That’s not what I’m talking about, this isn’t a time to take someone’s faults and let your nerves take over. I’m talking about true red flags like your drinking more or your wife won’t stop harmful habits. Big issues like …Cheating, Abuse (INCLUDING NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER!), Etc. Pay attention now before the baby is born if you can.
Bonus Tips:
All men need to stop acting like doing the smallest task means they should be praised.
Men should not do the bare minimum and leave the rest to their Significant other either.
If your mother did it all for you growing up. That’s amazing for you. But your Significant other is NOT your mom/maid/hairdresser/personal toy/punching bag…And you’re a grown man.
You’re boss isn’t going to accept the bare minimum and they aren’t going to praise you because you came into work today, so GROW UP!
