Scars, The Truth…Letting Go

Years ago, as my husband drove us home, I was on my phone writing a poem about the day I had. It wasn't a joyful time. I was depressed because the people close to me let me down, and I was sick of being let down so much. I reasoned that if I could just put everything in writing, I could and would just continue. The problem is that you sometimes need to do more than just write it out. The wounds get deeper when individuals repeatedly cutting in the same place, and my release won't always help at the time. Admitting the truth is what gets me there and may assist a lot of other people.

Image Credit: @chaneyzimmerman

The fact is, not everyone in my immediate vicinity is a good person. Because they are in agony, they cause pain. Bullying justifications are common, and bullying hurts no matter what.

And that's not okay.

I can urge people to just grow within and mature and do the things that make the world better, but I also need to live that or I'll just be writing fiction. I want to own it rather than just speak it.

I want to acknowledge that I experienced rejection early in life, which became a significant barrier in my life. I have given opportunity after opportunity, and I genuinely don't have any more to give. I no longer have an optimistic outlook on people. I view people as being someone who will leave me as soon as they obtain what they want from me. I just don't let anyone in anymore to give them a chance, even if they don't want to. Family, old friends, and new friends.

I'm not a victim; life will make us all examine our inner selves and put us to the test to see how far we can go. I am aware of my errors throughout. I'm aware of how frequently I allow myself to be mistreated. And I'm certainly not a saint; I'm sure I've hurt people a lot.

I wish I could apologize to many people, as I continue to realize those that I’ve hurt in my life journey. I’ve thought about being about to do just that in the manner we observe in movies. Wouldn't that situation be fantastic? to get a sincere apology from someone who likely has no idea how much they have offended you. There might be more effective mending or perhaps fewer therapy sessions. In either case, there is more likely to be a positive outcome from those excuses.

In any case, I apologize. I/We have the choice to either remain the victim of all the suffering or to emerge victorious from every challenging circumstance.

Life is difficult no matter what; what matters is how we respond to it. And I decide to be the scarred Phoenix every day.

I say scars because, as my husband pointed out to me today, we don't always have to forget about someone's wrongdoing; instead, we can let it go for our own sake while still acknowledging that person isn't a decent person. And when I have these people in my life, I'm not a decent person to myself.

Have you let go of the toxic people in your life?