They're Difficult...Now What?
Knowing someone has an illness or complication is helpful but does it also create excuses? People know the difference between right and wrong but, there are plenty of conditions that have the wrong as the forefront of someone personality. We accept it because we love the person or in some cases because we just have to collaborate with them. And in a world of inclusion and acceptance where is the boundaries in this acceptance of outright abuse? This is definitely not going to apply to all individuals or conditions so if your immediately thinking of a person or condition that requires patience and acceptance forever due to the fact that these people are unable to have the societal version of normal, mentally exclude those people. This is more about those with conditions like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, along with many other conditions out there. Even just an injury that takes longer to heal, does this person get a Lazy Pass?
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The answer is at first yes, in many situations, but it’s the ongoing acceptance of this behavior that is a problem. We aren’t supposed to know someone is suffering from something only to excuse any and all behaviors from it because it could cause them more harm. What about the harm they are causing you in the abusive situation? That doesn’t mean retaliation is necessary. Or even walking away from others but knowing the right way to set boundaries and proceed with those people are key.
For example, telling a child to walk away from their narcissistic parent is a great solution but it’s not always realistic to assume they will be able to do it. We naturally want our parents and love them unconditionally so it’s just not the easiest ask. Not to say that Child shouldn’t do it, but they may instead have to learn how to set their own boundaries without feeling the guilt of learning to say No. Getting to the point of leaving out details of their life in order to make sure the Parent in question can’t sabotage them. And frankly this may just work better for the child of that narcissistic parent.
Therapists have the tools for the victims and are just such a great resource. But let’s take a look at a few more methods of handing people who are potentially causing negative influences in your life.
Solutions like talking to a therapist and taking breaks away from someone that is mentally exhausting may be an effective way to navigate the situation at hand. Although, it may also be best to completely walk away from anyone who is causing you to live in a negative world. However, while for some it makes sense to walk away, they simply can’t because of who that person is in their life.
Give yourself credit for getting through an uncomfortable situation. You didn’t react badly, and you got through the moment, that’s a big accomplishment.
Boundaries. I said it above and I’ll say it again, it’s one of the best solutions out there. You DO have a right to tell people not to speak to you in a bad manner. It’s all about being Assertive.
Debrief. You don’t have to talk to a therapist in every life situation that didn’t go the way you planned or was just miserable by no fault of your own but talking to someone else about what happened may help you process it all better.
Don’t Try to argue and convince people of things. You trying to make that point or make sure it’s known of your side in an argumentative way isn’t going to get you anywhere but angry and feeling defeated.
Don’t Act Defensively. This is one of the hardest but most effective. The other person is dealing with their own issues and emotions and if it’s coming at you in that moment, that’s doesn’t make it about you. It’s still about them, and while you will want to defend yourself with the misinformation or just outright nasty behavior towards you, it’s not going to change anything. So instead, you just don’t take anything they do and say personally. Which is extremely hard.
If you are in an abusive situation that you can walk away from, there is help out there, please know you don’t have to stay in any situation that is causing you harm.
What solutions do you have in dealing with those in your life that often hurt you more than you like to admit?
