Speaking To The Wall
Have that friend, family member, or maybe it’s you, who is like talking to a wall? The wall isn’t always entirely quiet. Sometimes the wall just likes to give one-worded answers or barely there sentences. Sometimes the wall is full aware they are a wall, but doesn’t care because they are trying to sort their emotions before responding.
Photo by Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash
Before I continue, I will go ahead and say I have been a wall on numerous occasions but whenever I get it back in return, I think, I will stop doing this behavior because it feels horrible!
Until I do it again.
But here is my dilemma: the wall is never a great way to get through the issues; if anything, it just brings you further from people not closer. Maybe your intention is to be further because you need and want that moment.
And no one is perfect, so we will likely end up being a wall to someone at some point.
HOWEVER! All the time is a bad idea.
If this is your go-to method for dealing with your stress and/or issues.
Because even though I mentioned that you might need that moment if this is how you go about getting to that moment. The people around you will just stop trying to break down the wall in order to be there for you
We all have our own emotional needs so when your need is told in a manner that makes someone else feel unimportant, or like a burden, obviously, they won’t want to keep feeling that way. So healthy individuals will usually try to get away from that.
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash
Methods to try instead:
1. Tell Others what you are needing! If It's Space...Say So.
2. Focus on making a complete sentence if you are having problems like ADD. Reminding yourself to say more than one word by making it a habit can help others feel less excluded
3. Put on Headphones. OK I know this sounds horrible, but if you are looking for a moment, or you just aren't interested in what someone has to say. Putting on Headphones tells others you are busy and not to disturb you. If they do disturb you, you are going to see/hear what they are needing and be able to respond appropriately
Things to Remember on the other side of the wall:
1. Look at Non-Verbal Cues! The person is telling you very clearly if they don't want to be bothered and it's also an issue to constantly disturb someone who may need a moment.
2. Don't try and read the Person's Mind who is giving you one-worded Answers. They may be trying to work something out in their minds and you trying to also figure out what they are figuring out is exhausting and often causes more issues.
3. Set Aside time to talk. If it's not important right at that moment, let the wall know you want to talk a bit later. Not in that TONE! I mean you tell them " Hey good news, let’s talk later tonight at dinner!" This way when you get a one worded answer, you aren't looking for a full conversation and they get to have space.
