Mom, The Villain
The Villain isn’t always trying to be the bad guy. Sometimes they are trying to be the best they can be with all of the best intentions, but the world turns their back on them, and they go about trying to help the wrong way. Or maybe, the Villain really is just the Villain.
Tonight, as I was trying to accept the day that I had, I came across a story about a mom who hated being the disciplinarian but in that same story the little girl hugged her mom and apologized for her actions.
And it hurt
Not because a little girl learned her lesson because that is amazing. It’s knowing I wont get that and instead I’m the Villain. And tomorrow, I will continue to be the villain.
Do I deserve the title?
In my mind I do
I wasn’t kind today, but I also felt very alone in my battles. I was waiting for the reinforced unity in my home, but I never got it. So, I stayed the bad guy, and my kids didn’t want me around. Not even our cat.
It’s days like today that remind me of what it’s like to be a mom and feel like no one has your back. The world is so quick to hate you and go against anything you do. Whether it be a post of social media that shows you doing something that isn’t to societies standards, or you go to the store in a pandemic with your kids.
And with the world already not in your corner, it’s worse to feel the exact same way at home. The words you say, the thoughts you think… are too much, overbearing, annoying. You can’t seem to just get it right because there is no one around to say hey…You aren’t the villain. I see what you are saying or trying to do, and You are doing the best you can Momma.
Photo by Reza Hasannia on Unsplash
Instead, you get silence, and that is like a knife in the heart.
So, with my knife, I’ll do as I always do and figure out another way to continue on regardless. Apologize to my children for not being the best mommy I could be and try again to have a better day tomorrow.
I do know from reading that story and watching a bit of Tik Tok like the rest of moms out there, we do feel way more alone than we should. But trying to show that is like trying to explain what air is to a toddler. Complicated and unlikely to come out to anything.
