Respect the Party Host, The Mom, and The Person
I have had the wonderful opportunity to have my amazing son and daughter, who are still very young. As their mother, before they even arrived, I have had to deal with mom shaming, because of the various people who made sure to decide how I needed to be pregnant, and how I needed to birth my children. I knew that after having my kids, it would not just end there. I knew people would continue to tell me how to raise my kids but what I didn’t realize is how much they also think it’s ok to tell me how to live my life in general.
Photo by Tiago Felipe Ferreira on Unsplash
Being the type of person who truly wants everyone to be happy, I realized that once you’re a mom, if you keep living that way, it’s going to destroy you emotionally. Even not as a mom, but there just seems to be more opportunities for the expectations to pop up. And as I stated in my other blog, expectations destroy relationships.
So when it came to planning a party for my son, because of wanting to celebrate a special day for him since the day is about HIM, and I noticed, heard and received the words of requirement of how I needed to notify people, plan the party, decorate, where it should be, Etc.. I began to dread the event itself and just decided to never do this again.
But it doesn’t have to be that way, if we just respect the party host, the mom, and the Person, in all situations. There is a lot on anyone’s shoulders through life in general, so if a party was last minute, it was probably for a reason. If certain people were or weren’t invited, there is probably a reason, and if the party was kept to a certain size…it’s probably for a reason.
Offended by the reasons? Don’t be, because it’s typically not about you.
And that’s the whole point! It’s more likely it’s all about circumstances that someone is dealing with in that time frame and also what they may have envisioned themselves. And most of the time we are all doing the best we can with those circumstances, trying to create the best idea of the parties we had in mind.
Photo by Victoria Rodriguez on Unsplash
Also, it’s sad this is occurring because of exactly what I mentioned earlier, as I am not the only one…It causes people to just stop doing and trying all together because of the stress, expectations, and overall trouble it causes to have any type of gathering.
Personally, I was excited about my Son’s event because I didn’t know if we would be able to have it anytime soon and when last minute it was a possibility, I took the chance immediately because...
I was thinking of my son, I wanted this for him!
But once I started to get things ready, and the issues arose because this event was going to occur, it completely ruined the happiness I had to have this moment with my child. Now I’m wanting to get this over with and never do it again.
Truth is parties are on the decline, including birthday parties. It’s becoming a family day or a celebration with another child or two, to remove chaos parties create. And not just because of the Pandemic, its much more about how people behave.
Moral of the story…Good luck if you want to throw a party, or any type of gathering!
General rules of Life and for Parties
Stop Expecting things from anyone.
Don’t decide what this event should be for the individual(s) (Weddings are usually done how bride wants, and guests usually just comment on what they thought of the event, but we don’t have the same respect for any other party… but it’s actually the same. No matter what role you play, unless you are the one planning the even or the person being honored… why do you think you have a say?)
Decline if you can’t make it, nothing wrong with that!
As a host, accept that not everyone will be able to make it, and it’s not about you personally as to why.
Appreciate invitations. (This person thought of you, and wanted you to come, that should tell you a lot about how much they love you)
Don’t invite other people without talking to the host with ample notice in emergency situations only
Don’t tell the host how the party should be planned. (decorations? Location? Size?... if they planned a pool party with 10 people then it’s a pool party with 10 people even if you hate the pool)
Don’t tell the Host how many people should be there or shouldn’t be there
REMEMBER WE ALL HAVE FEELINGS! Feelings can be hurt by anyone in all situations. It’s important to communicate these feelings for resolution. And if for some reason you can’t…please see Rule number 10.
Learn to forgive because no one is perfect. You don’t have to keep people in your life, but it will always benefit YOU if you learn to let go of the anger.
