Myths of Motherhood
Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash
I have been a mother for only a brief time in the grand scheme of things, it’s been a few years as a mom of my own kids, so there is a ton of things I have just learned in a short amount of time. One learned trait I have now is to ignore people because people love to provide parents with a ton of information to “help”. Unsolicited Advice is annoying.
In a way, it feels like I have crammed for a test all night, but I’m supposed to remember all this information for life. Oh, and I can’t go to sleep after the test is over for the next 18 years at minimum. But, is this information really something that will get me through the next 18 years to life?
Short answer, No.
What will get parents in general through it all is to just do the best they can. None of us really know what we are doing, which I have realized after being given all of this advice. Experience helps but that experience and that advice doesn’t guarantee an answer for your child when times are good or bad.
““That’s what worked for their child, but it doesn’t mean it will work for yours.” ”
These are the 5 common misconceptions we have before having a child but I’m happy to say, these are myths people!
Photo by LiquidCow
Immediate Connection – You and this little person need to get to know each other. You may fall in love instantly or you may take a moment to gather yourself after the traumatic experience of childbirth. The weight of knowing that this is person is your responsibility and you have to make sure you don’t kill it accidentally was my first feeling. Well that and I felt joy that my son was born, but there is no reason to feel good or bad if you felt a certain way after your child was born. And before your child is born, the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy doesn’t really prepare you for feeling a certain way in the future. You will feel how you feel.
There is a right or Wrong way of doing things – I should have this as number one because it’s the biggest culprit of mom shaming. But I will just leave it with this…70 % of moms feel pressure to do things a certain way because of the pressures of society in general, not because that certain way is right. So do what you feel is best for your child, period!
You can do it alone- It takes a village! That doesn’t mean you need to have people telling you how to live your life like I stated above. It means that when you need help, take the help. When you need to vent or cry on your friends shoulder, do it! Leaning on others and asking for help will keep you sane and get you through the tough times and the great times.
You must give up your Career – This one is often said but people completely act sexist once that baby comes around. I can’t tell you how many times people assumed I did everything, and my husband was working and leaving the child care to me while I would just give up my career because that’s not as important as being a mom, umm NO! Not the case in my house, we share responsibility and guess what…we BOTH work! I have spent to much time and energy to just give up on my dreams because I had a child. If that is what is expected of me, then it should also be expected for my husband, and since it’s not….I’m definitely not going to give up my career and if it’s not something you want to do, don’t give up yours either. But if you do want to give it up and stay home, that's a fulltime job with no vacation, no sick time, and no mandatory breaks.. Don't let anyone tell you different, you work harder then people like to admit.
Being Ready- My son and daughter were completely planned. My husband and I did things the more traditional way with dating for a certain amount of time, then getting engaged…staying engaged for a bit, then getting married, and then having a child. All while having good paying jobs, and a home. So now that you know my life story, all of that didn’t do one thing in getting me or my husband, who already has children, to be ready for our son and daughter. So again, we have jobs, we have a home, we have money to buy food and all of the needed items for our children yet everyday we both wake up looking at each other like… “ Ok, here we go! Let’s fake it until we make it!” Because all of the money, food, houses, jobs, marriage doesn’t make this any easier or us any more prepared since there is no handbook as everyone likes to say.
